Hector and Longbow Directo
The Directo Brothers are longtime Progressive activists.
Hector Directo is an actor best known for his portrayal of the fictional President Angus McIntosh on the long-running television series "OEOB." The series tells the story of President McIntosh and his staff, most of whom work in the Old Executive Office Building adjacent to the White House proper. (In the real world, the OEOB was recently renamed after President Eisenhower.)
Hector
is the national spokesman for the campaign, led by the Sue Doe
Science Action Fund, to raise awareness of climate change and of the
need to increase the speed of light. In a TV commercial aired
during national championship games in rugby and polo, Hector
declared: "Recently, much of the U.S. has experienced unprecedented
cold, caused -- scientists believe -- by the fact that it takes 8.3
minutes for sunlight to reach the earth. Help save the planet!
Call your member of Congress and say 'Speed up the speed of light!'"
In response to the campaign, the Administration has announced
regulations to eliminate the use of glass in automobiles and "create
millions of 'clear' jobs ranging from Window Smasher to Invisible
Force Field Inventor."
Hector is a member of a consortium led by Washington lobbyist "Scalawag Sid" LaPore to create a football team to replace the hapless Washington Redskins.
Longbow Directo is the Chief of Presidential Image. He was a protégé of one of the greatest Progressive filmmakers, the late Leni Riefenstahl. Today, he is ranked among the world's top experts in the glorification of government power and in the effective use of demagogery.
Longbow
was a consultant to the Beijing Olympics with special responsibility
for the use of slave labor in laser-light programs. During the
2008 campaign, he personally trained the TelePrompTers used by the
Democratic nominees for president and vice president.
In his current position, he works closely with White House Communications Director Andrew Mophead, with the major news media, and with psychologists, CGI experts, and hypnotists to craft the way Americans perceive the President. He recently formed a panel of leaders in finance, advertising, nonprofit organizations, and related fields to provide the White House with public relations advice in return for reductions in the lengths of their sentences.
He was the creative director of the President's 2009 Inauguration festivities. In that capacity, he selected, as the official Children's Inauguration Song, "Deus ex Machina (You are 'The One'!)" by Maggie Dill.
In response to the rise of the Tea Party movement, Longbow designed the campaign transforming the President into a pugnacious populist. He helped the President learn to drop his Gs ("I'm fightin' for the Amercan people!") and taught him to use, at every opportunity, variants of the word "fight" ("I'm fightin' fightin' fightin' for the Amercan people!"). He also instructed the President in subtle ways to invoke pernicious stereotypes ("I'm fightin' fightin' fightin' against the bankers, the merchants, the doctors, the Borscht Belt comedians, and the mohels!").
In Hollywood and Washington, the Directo Brothers represent the best the Progressive movement has to offer. What does the future hold for the Directos? Only future episodes of "The Gentleman from Lickskillet" will tell. (If you'd like to see future episodes, be sure to sign the petition here.)